Copyright © 2019 Nina Joshi Ramsey

What drives us?

March 25, 2012

What drives us? I was watching a programme about the earth's tilt as it orbits the sun and how that creates seasons. That's when I had a slight epiphany. I speak for a percentage of the population when I say we're ad-libbing all the time. At least we think we are. After all, life has no script. Yet, we all seem to have a secret master plan that we want to fulfill. We may not tell anyone but we regret missed milestones from the plan. We wonder whether we are capable enough. We try hard to avoid the misery of missing the plan entirely. But why? How did we devise the plan in the first place?  Why does it set the boundaries for what satisfies us in life? What will happen if we do miss it? What happened to the ad-libbing? What drives us to strive for that particular master plan?

Most spiritual practices talk about being content with what we have. But how can we be content if we are not happy with our lot?  Do they mean we should be content with dissatisfaction?  Or do they mean we should do what it takes for us to be content?  This might mean we have to strive to be content.  One way we think we will be content is via this master plan.  So we strive to be content, although to strive means to be discontent.  Yet if we don't strive, we may never fulfill the master plan.  And if we don't fulfil the master plan, we will never be content.

So let's talk about this.  Are we programmed to have discontent?  At some point in life, we feel like something is missing in us, in our lives, in our experience, etc.  We may put the nagging feeling aside.  But if it haunts us, chances are something is actually missing, and it might be a quantum-level inequilibrium that creates an urge to fill the gap.  Our life choices may be driven by this urge.  Our master plan is our answer to what we think may address this urge.  We are convinced when we complete the master plan, the gap will be filled and there will be equilibrium again.  Why do we need it?  That's the way the world works.  

The basic building blocks of life and the universe, at the sub-atomic level, flow to attain balance.  As the 'Orbit' programme said, the sun heats the earth... the earth heats the air above it... the air expands and tries to equalise the temperature by mixing with cooler air above it. In so doing, it creates space for cooler air to rush in and take the vacant room.  In extreme circumstances, this creates twisters, tornadoes, etc. Cities, homes, lives can be ruined.  But what starts and drives the change is the fundamental expansion of air as it heats and rises creating a vacuum.

What I want to check is to do with the gap that is being filled, and how much control we have over what fills it.  I think what we are filling is at a fundamental quantum level, and it translates at higher, more gross levels, into something more meaningful to us, with interpretations we impose.  As an example, if the overwhelming missing element in a person is acceptance, we can ask whether the causal factor was rejection.  Is it currently felt at the person's 'global' level ... i.e. do they feel everyone rejects them? (Deep down.  Their actions would speak louder about this).  Is this feeling there because they were rejected at a stage when their whole world was their caretakers (parents, guardians)?  So the correlation with 'global-rejection' is lodged.  What was the inciting incident?

It is possible that until a particular incident, the child may never have been aware of rejection.  Then something occurs, which the child feels threatened by and when fear kicks in, hardwiring begins.  Survival pressures could have this event stamped as a trauma to hardwire related elements for immediate rescue reaction in the future without needing warning.  e.g. Trauma occurred on a hot day, in the sea, with ice-cream melting onto hand, tenoy voice warning about tide, danger sensed but no parent seen. Child's fear is picked up. translated into survival threat, and hardwiring done.  There may be no truth to the interpretation that the child has but his truth of what he felt means his file of the elements also has a fear factor attached.  As well as that, needing to 'save' himself, rather than rely on anyone else for survival, also creates a foundational point of reference for the child. 

This could mean the child becomes an adult with a fear of water, melting ice-cream, sunny days, tenoys, etc and has an overwhelming sense of rejection that he has to somehow quell.  And thus begins a master plan.

The missing element, the vaccum, can be filled by global acceptance.  In adulthood, this truly does mean global. i.e. everyone in the world.  This could be approached several ways.  One is to identify the inciting incident, via the subconscious if needed, and to draw away the emotional charge that is stored with it.  Once this is done, and the change settles over a few days or weeks, implications of the change can be assessed.  Is the sea as scary, or has swimming in the sea begun? Is melting ice-cream now acceptable?  This means the previous vacuum has been changed and a new master plan may be created to address the other inequilibrium feelings.

Another way is to work on who the 'globe' is to the adult, and what acceptance by them would mean and how it could be achieved.  Often this will start with the adult accepting the possibility of acceptance themselves, most often done with accepting himself first.

This suggests that if we work out what feelings our master plan will give us we will understand what we lack and are striving to get balance for.  We've formulated the master plan because from our perspective, it will address particular deeper needs in a specific way we know of or have learnt about.  

Then we can choose a way of moving forward, changing, or sticking.  That is the basis of coaching and integrated complementary/alternative therapy.

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